Mental Health

How to deal with Self Loathing?

It is very natural for a human being to have negative as well as positive thoughts. Often when we analyse things, the first invasion is of the negative things in our mind. These negativity fosters and nurtures our minds, souls, and the heart that it dominates over the positivity. Various factors are to blame for the negativity that may develop in oneself and may result in a condition called self loathing.

What is self loathing?

Self Loathing is that condition where you start hating yourself and feel bad about yourself to a high extent. Instead of loathing someone else, you start to develop a feeling of hatred for yourself making you self-loathe and make yourself feel unworthy of yourself.

Self- Loathing is not initiated by anyone it is totally up to you to self-loathe and start to hate yourself and life. There may not exactly be a reason that may be considered to be the reason for the self-loathing. But yes, whatever may be the reason for the feeling of self loathing the result is to feel that you hate your life, you are depressed, low self-esteem, unworthiness, and in short self-hatred for whatever you do.

A spectrum of factors is responsible to make a person self-loathe and develop this feeling of self-loathing. No person doesn’t feel self-loathing at a point of time, and feels ‘I hate my life’, ‘I hate myself’ ‘I feel lonely’ and much more than incline to a negative aspect of life. Some of the commonest reasons refer to.

The causes of self-loathing

The habit of comparing with others often is the main cause of self loathing: Perhaps we don’t exactly know we are doing it, yet we are constantly in the process of comparing ourselves with others. Usually, it is also a good thing if you compare and try to progress. But most times we compare and start the process of self-loathing 

In ourselves:

We question- Why is he better than me? I am not as good as that person. It leads to automatically switch our positivity towards negative and start to hate oneself. It will make us find faults in ourselves and make is feel self-hatred.

Self-loathing will start to dominate the optimism and give you low self-esteem, feeling of unworthiness, and loneliness. This way of self-loathing often leads to self-destructive mental states and toxic thinking.

Lack of control of the emotions and feelings leads to self-loathing to a high extent:

it is not possible to control the feelings of others, yet it is possible to control the way you feel, think and act. Self loathing ironically isn’t what someone else forces you to do, it is the process you chose to follow yourself.

You start to make yourself assured that you hate yourself, you are alone, you are depressed, you have no worth in life, and start creating a world where everything seems broken. You stop to value your feelings, the criticism you make of yourself will lead to self-loathe and make you feel that you are not worthy to be living.

This is how you have lost control of your positive mind and are pushing yourself towards the feelings of hatred. This kind of self loathing may lead to a belief of undeserving and extreme depressive thoughts.

The degree of self-loathing may often extend to many levels. Low ranged self-loathing can reduce the self-loathe and be back to normal. But, for some, self-loathing may extend to such high levels making it accelerated even more than before.

Usually, the person who self-loathes often tries to make attempts to make people feel that they are worthy. A Self-loathing person tries their best to suppress the feeling that they are self-loathing but try making people like them, prove that they shouldn’t be hated.

They try to impress others and self-explaining that their presence is valuable, they aren’t broken, they aren’t lonely, and they don’t hate their lives.

They think they are dealing with their self-loathing problem, but actually, they are igniting the feelings of self-loathing even more. Stressing out to convince and try to control the way other think will lead to even more self-loathing.

In the process of trying to convince others, seeing they are not on your favour, will lead to self-loathing even more thinking that you are feeble, and you will eventually reduce your self-esteem even more.

How to deal self loathing

It is totally up to an individual to deal with self loathing and rise from the feeling of I hate myself. However, some ways may help to deal with self-loathing such as:

  1. Start writing a Journal to stop self-loathing: Scribbling your thoughts in the pages of paper will help you pour out your thoughts as well. It will help you to track your life more organized and improve your positivity.
  2. Meditate to block thinking about self-loathing: This is a spiritual process that works to take your mind off to thinking that you hate yourself. It helps to block the thoughts of self-hatred to invade your mind.
  3. Talking to a therapist can help you deal with self-loathing: Often when we cannot solve some problem ourselves, we need a second person to guide us. This can be a talk with the therapist who can help you find the reason why you have started to self-loathe yourself.
  4. Surround yourself with positive people to dominate self-loathing: As mentioned, the negativity is the main reason for the eruption of the self-loathing feelings. The positive thoughts are dominated by the negative which is important to be replaced. Try to surround yourself more with the people who revive optimism in yourself. The people who talk positively, the people who believe in themselves, who make you feel valued, appreciated you, and think good about life.

Summary

There may be many ways to deal with self loathing which may vary for each person. But the main key to overcome self loathing is in your mind. You need to open the door of optimism and start walking through it leaving back the thoughts of self-hatred, self-loathing, unworthiness, loneliness. You need to create your world free of self-loathe, hatred, and toxic thinking.

Lirisha Tuladhar

Lirisha Tuladhar, 20, is currently pursuing her Bachelor's Degree in Public Health at CISTCollege. She is an enthusiastic Youth Activist, Sexual and Reproductive Health and Rights [SRHR] and has been advocating in these issues for over more than 4 years locally, nationally and also at international platforms.

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